Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all know of the void that we feel in our lives. We either feel it or have felt it at some point in our journey. That feeling of emptiness, like something is missing but we can’t put our finger on it.
It took a catastrophe for me to realize that this void is the number one problem on earth. Virtually everyone is suffering with it in silence. It’s the root cause of most turmoil in life. The problem is that it manifests itself in such a variety of ways that the symptoms are remedied instead of the cause.
We spend our lifetime trying to fill this void. Some believe that if they earn enough, then they can buy that new gadget or car or whatever. Something to occupy them temporarily. Others soak themselves in television to escape the emptiness. Some choose alcohol, drugs, sex and a host of other activities to numb themselves. Here’s the worst one that seems the most innocent. You complete me. You’re my better half. I’d be nothing without you. Sounds familiar? It should, you hear it everywhere. Take your pick:
- Every person that claims to be in love.
I know what you’re thinking, “Oh Clint. Just because you’re going through a divorce, now you’re cynical about love.” Let’s get something straight, I have and always will be a hopeless romantic. However, the above is not love. It’s someone trying to find another that can fill the void. This is an impossible task that leaves us feeling worse once the butterflies leave. Many people told me that a divorce takes years before you recover. The stories are simply staggering. In most cases, it’s 5-8 years of heart break before people snap out of it. Here’s where I started getting concerned. It only took me about 2 months to get over the divorce. Keep in mind that I have a fairly hectic story. I can probably counsel 8 out of 10 people. For the other two, I know two guys with stories worse than mine. This is in stark contrast to the high school crush that left me broken for two years. Frankly, a crush in comparison to a divorce is of no consequence. To the point where even I was getting concerned. So what changed? What happened over the last 15 years that made me stronger? Eventually I asked the question, “Dad, why am I okay?” The answer…. Because I’m a complete person. I know who I am. I know why I’m here. And I know that God is with me.
If you don’t fill the void correctly. Your identity becomes entwined with your partner, substance or whatever else you’re using to fill it. In the case of heartbreak, when you lose your partner. You lose a piece of yourself. You lose your identity and you have to find yourself before you can heal. Finding yourself takes time and should be your mission before meeting anyone.
The Deadpool Effect
So what’s the benefit to being a complete person? I like using Deadpool as an analogy for this. He’s not bulletproof. He takes a beating, he get’s injured and he feels pain. However, he regenerates so fast that he can keep fighting. And as an additional bonus, he still has a sense of humor while everything is blazing around him. It’s easy to accept the lighter side of everything when you know who you are, why you’re here and above all why bad things happen.
So for the next few weeks, I intend on retracing my steps over the last 15 years and document what practical steps should be taken to become a complete person. I look forward to sharing it with you.