When we think of a partner, we think of someone that we would spend our life with. Someone to start a family with and grow old together. Was that really why God created us? Just so we can play house? Seems a bit odd that a God of purpose would do that just so we can have “the feels”, so we can feel all warm and tingly inside. Don’t you think?
Why do we need a Partner?
The truth of the matter is that you really don’t need a partner. Why would you “need” someone? You can literally pay for any service that you require. So you don’t need a partner to cook, clean, iron or do anything domestic for you.
In Genesis 2:18, it states:
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
So naturally God made another Human-being since Adam was the only one of his kind. The scripture doesn’t state that Adam was lonely, it says that he was alone. There’s a difference. You can be alone but not lonely. As long as you have loved ones around you that care and support you, you can stave off loneliness. Provided that you are a complete person.
So why long for a partner? If you believe that a partner will fill a void in your life and make you feel complete then you’re sadly mistaken. This is a recipe for disaster and leads to a toxic relationship. It’s parasitic. Basically two ticks trying to suck the life out of each other. I’ve covered this in The Void. It’s this misconception that has led the world to believe that marriage is something that literally sucks the life out of you. In every sitcom, they make jokes of the misery of married life. It’s only miserable when you’re expecting your partner to fulfill you and vice versa.
What’s a help meet?
The Bible is a very precise book. It refers to Eve as a help meet. A help meet is more than just a partner. We all have a purpose. We’re designed and deployed to earth to fix a problem. Your help meet is the person that complements you. Your strengths are their weaknesses, your weaknesses are their strengths. There’s something on this earth that can only be accomplished through your union. In other words, 1 + 1 =3. Your combined effort toward a common purpose far outweighs what you two can accomplish individually. The two of you have a shared purpose. Have you heard people say, we grew apart or grew differently? That’s not supposed to happen.
That is why the Bible states in Mark 10:9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
We have this idea that you get married, continue in your chosen career path and play house for the rest of your life. Your career is your job. But God put you two together for your work. There’s a difference. Your job makes money. Your work is the reason why you’re on earth. It’s your ministry.
Let’s get yoked!
2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”
Let me explain what a yoke is. It’s a beam that holds two oxen together. This allows the pair to share the load and allows them to do more with their combined strength in less time as compared with one ox trying to complete the same task. So a yoked pair can plow a field twice as fast as a single ox. Makes Sense?
So why does the Bible say that we shouldn’t be yoked with an unbeliever? From a purely logical standpoint, can you imagine each ox pulling in different directions while being yoked? Its not going to work. Progress will be slow and there will be unnecessary strain.
Let me take this a step further. The pair should be of comparable strength as well for the load to be balanced. If one ox is strong and the other weak. It’s either the stronger ox will be overworked and succumb to exhaustion or the weaker ox will get dragged by the stronger ox. What I’m trying to convey is that you and your partner have to be equals. If not, the whole marriage will be strained.
This doesn’t mean that you need to be exactly the same. Balance can only be achieved through an equal counterweight. You are equal yet different. You complement and balance each other. This allows for effective fulfillment of your shared purpose. Your strengths are his weaknesses and his weaknesses are your strengths. This difference is what allows you to achieve something that cannot be attained through your individual strength.
However more often than not, it’s our differences that drive us crazy. Most fights in marriage are due to us expecting our partner to be more like us. We need to understand that it’s our differences that make us stronger.
Birds of a Feather
Let me put it another way. Have you heard the saying “Birds of a feather, flock together.” Well Eagles don’t flock, they soar. Your partner needs to be able to fly at the same altitude as you. You guys need to be of the same kind. By of the same kind, I don’t mean that if you’re a director then they should also be a director. Or if you’re rich then they should be too. You and your partner should be of the same mindset and have the same values. You guys can differ in terms of your personality. Your personality, is more on the lines of how you view the world, interpret the information and behave. In that case, opposites tend to attract since you balance each other. However, when it comes to character ie. the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual, people of the same character and mindset are attracted to each other. It’s this shared character with different personality traits that makes you and your partner a force to be reckoned with.
The Bible is a very precisely worded book and we tend to miss it while reading. In Genesis 1:28, it states:
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Being fruitful is serving your God given gift. Then it says “multiply”. We tend to get caught up in the multiply bit when it comes to marriage. (Nudge nudge, wink wink)
Whatever we do must be sustainable, that’s why it says, “replenish the earth”. And we’re to have dominion over our environment. We must dominate our work. You and your partner need to pray about your shared purpose. Ask God for guidance and then subdue and dominate it.
Irrespective of whether you’re newly weds or married for decades. This is your mandate as a couple. The purpose of your union. Marriage requires a certain level of maturity. It requires patience, understanding and above all a teachable spirit. You have to help each other to grow and develop to fulfill your shared purpose. It’ll probably take a lifetime but it’ll be worth it.