After narrowly escaping the destruction of my home world, planet marriage. I found myself hurtling back to what I hoped would remain a distant memory. Much to my dismay, I was on a collision course with planet single.
With a bumpy re-entry into its atmosphere, I crash landed and stumbled out a little woozy from the experience. A land of myth and magic. A place where human beings are shuffled like a deck of cards on apps. A place where not even a noun is safe. Casper would turn in his grave if he knew that ghost is now a verb. A far cry from the comfort zone that is married life… Ah crap, not this again.
Shrouded in mystery, we’re all a little confused. For example, they say it’s so hard to find a decent person. Is it really? Or are we framing the issue incorrectly?
I’d bet that you know at least, two decent people right now. Two people that would for all intents and purposes make a great spouse. However, you’re not interested in them. So what are we looking for? It’s not that we can’t find a decent person. We can’t find a person that shares our zest for life, someone that enjoys our company and understands us. Someone that we find attractive on more than just a physical level and…. is also a decent person.
What are you looking for?
Physical attraction is important but there must be more than that. That’s why these apps don’t work. It starts with the physical attraction, then there’s a mad dash once you get a match to find common ground with the person before they lose interest. Maybe it’s the writer in me or perhaps I just watched too much “How I met your mother”, but I’d like the story to be a bit more than we both swiped right.
Are we putting the cart before the horse? Firstly, what are you looking for in a relationship? Note, I didn’t ask, “What are you looking for in a person?” We all list the same attributes based on what we logically expect from a partner. Think about it, if all you want to do is Netflix and chill then a person that’s looking for someone to go on adventures with is going to drive you nuts. Framing the type of relationship you want, will give you an idea of what type of “fish” you’re after.
Where are you looking?
Let’s suppose that your ideal catch is a tuna then where would you find a tuna? If you are fishing in a dam, you can pray for a tuna, you can fast over it, you can go out diligently every single day, but you’ll never catch a tuna. Why? Wrong environment… You’ll find tuna in the ocean, not a dam.
Let’s suppose you love animals, you care deeply about animal welfare. Where would you find a kindred spirit? If you got involved with a rescue organization, what are the chances that you could meet someone that you find attractive and has the same interests?
Listen, don’t get me wrong, I just arrived. I’m not saying I have all the answers. I’m just trying to figure this out. We think the way to meet people is through waving at strangers on social media, an app or by going to bars and clubs every night and hoping to get lucky. My question is, is it working?
If you continue to do the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get the same results. Perhaps on the road to something you’re passionate about, you’ll find someone to share that passion with. What do you think?